i wish my penis had a tongue
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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