The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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