Say something about gay babies.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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