listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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