My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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