she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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