you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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