We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
