ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize