How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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