So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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