hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
