Me too!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's blow job season.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
