Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
