You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
