Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
