There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
