it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
