i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
