Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
