There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
