you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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