So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
