Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
why didn't you poke me back
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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