Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
