Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
