ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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