If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
