He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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