By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
