I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
