Pappa wants mamma naked
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
