I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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