go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't deserve a penis
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
