Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
