I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think i have herpe
just one?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize