boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
