she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
