There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
