I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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