I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
