I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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