You really coming over, don't trick.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
