I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
