She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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