I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
