I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
