We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
