I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
