My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
