Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
