Four minutes until I can fart!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
