Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
