this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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