I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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