Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
