so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
