I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
