My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
