If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Success! We fucked roommates!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
