K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
