I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
