I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
