so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
