Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
