It was confusing and full of hummus
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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