Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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