I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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