All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
