someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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